“People do not have ideas, ideas have people.” – Carl Jung

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1. Jeanette Jordan February 19, 2021 Log in to Reply

   Try as you might, to step outside the wheel of synchronized life plan, you will not achieve your aim. There is no such thing as chance, everything for every individual soul, was planned long before our birth. We helped draw up that plan My entire life has proven this to me so many times, it’s now at the stage where l laugh right back at those who control the universe. And l know they smile at me I do believe we sign up to each life that we travel, choose our own hurdles, our losses, our pains, our successes, and our weaknesses and strengths. I’m a Christian without a church, always was, being a descendent of Catholics, C of E’s, and Quakers, and of William Penn… and of absolute atheists like my dad and siblings four. And with so many mixed metaphors behind me, l chose a separate path. God made Himself known to me via gifts of a supernatural nature inside a nine month coma aged seven, when l went under a lorry on a zebra crossing, and down a tunnel into light, and was held in God’s arms. He held me so tenderly, a woman l had assumed a ward sister (later on) dressed in blue and white, called Mary (really) took care of me. And God said inside my head, “l am God. No one ever dies l love you all, equally. Love one snother.” Because of this l constantly needed to help everyone around me, as a middle child of five, l was the peacemaker, bringing people back together, then being kicked out of the circle as a “goody two shoes;” all my life the loner. l was severely punished often, by my innocence of not knowing that others scare so easily when l excitedly shared my paranormal life. Especially when my words came true And as years passed and those who punished me for lying aged, those who punished me for ‘seeing ahead’, and ‘always being right’, all lived alone, they stopped their ridicule the closer that they got to their own deaths, all those relatives of my parents ages. Instead, quietly, behind each others backs, fearing death, l guess, they suddenly made contact with? Yes, me, who was scared to death of them as a kid, now found them asking me for answers as a young and mid life adult, “Does God exist? Do we die? What did this dream mean? What did this odd happening mean? Will l die soon Jeanie?” And I discovered that Jesus was right, “Don’t be afraid of what to say, your father in heaven will give you the words when you need them!” And l would say what l felt necessary, to comfort, and to leave them unafraid. And be amazed that l said that! When we parted l’d often be staggered by what just passed between us. Where did that come from? And so suddenly? That person appeared so out of sync? Why come to this hated daughter, sister, niece, cousin, friend. I was suddenly afforded their very last conversation, their fears, their hopes, and l’d be both sad and related. No one else knew they’d come to me Or that’s why l cried at their funeral, trying to comprehend it myself! I was sad, because l knew that they would die, and l’d rant at God, demanding to know why only at the end, why not my friend all through, why not visit me before? And it was their end, however healthy they seemed to be, they’d die not long after, and l’d break my heart with what should have been. I’d know they would die before, or during, or after our meetings. And within a short time, weeks, or a few months, of our meetings, they died, every one of them I was also strangely elatedly happy, because l was able to reassure them, that no one ever dies, no matter a lifetime of atheism, God loves them and knows them, though they’ve always denied His existence. He knows them intimately. I could tell you so many true paranormal events that make up my oddball life, like why when l’m about to berate someone for nastiness, l’ll suddenly feel, see, and foresee, their life experiences, and words are put into my mouth and l have no idea where from, that completely take the wind from their sails, and make them end up hugging me, not hating me, instead. And they’re contrite, they recall how badly they treated me, they can’t fathom that l still love them all. I know they leave in peace. I know they die in peace. And l feel sad, l’ve been rejected and feared for do long, then happy l could help and know the inner them. No one in the world is all bad. Two forces govern us, good and evil. That’s all it’s ever been about. Life is a test we choose, if it feels familiar at times, that’s because you yourself, wrote the script. As if this wasn’t enough, everywhere l’ve lived, through 55 home moves with two husband’s and six kids, and myriad of people’s, and running youth groups and Sunday Schools, and as a journalist, interviewing every day, l met so many people, and discovered most carried pains, l could feel their pains. They came to me, until one day, mid forties, l said angrily to God, “Enough, l’ve had enough Father, l’m exhausted, l’m still unpacking from this move, educating a child at home, mourning adult children gone and empty nest, enough of all their troubles, l’m staying in, then no one lands on me!” The phone rang immediately. “Please, please, is that the Samaritans?” A young female was crying. “I’m sorry, you’ve got the wrong number!” I hung up. For a week l kicked myself. Begged God’s forgiveness. Cried, worried for that girl. I was a girl once, l had four daughters, oh God, l’m sorry Then, a week later, the phone rang again, same girl, same tears, same words, “please is that the Samaritans?” It was like the clock stood still.It was surreal. I met that girl, inside my home, within twenty minutes. Three times a suicide attempter, with overdoses, stomach pumps, a cry in the dark. I’ve had many more like her sent to me this way, out of the blue. She was at the bottom.if life’s ladder, another was a graduate at the very top. Unhappiness has no preferences Weeks after that event, walking with my six year old son he got so excited, pointing to the other side if the road, “Mummy, mummy look, look, it’s Michelle!” That same teen, that head down, scruffy, body hunched, tears running, hopeless three times attempted suicide. She was beautiful, laughing, clean, smartly dressed, head high, free. I knew then l mustn’t stop her. “Why mummy, why can’t we say hello?” “Because she’s happy and doesn’t need me anymore!” And inside l said, “because she doesn’t need reminding of her worst day!” And l stopped being angry with God, because instead of pathetically saying, “Why do they hate me, then love me, then come to me, then hide from me again? When l’ve always been there for them God, why can’t it carry on, WHY!” At aged 44 years, watching Michelle laughing, carefree, l finally understood why l must walk alone. And my self pity faded away. At 76 in April, l can truthfully say l’m peaceful inside, l’m still being used when needed, very much off the radar, totally alone. God drops loners in my path, and I just say, “l must have signed up for it Father, so keep giving me the strength, please!” Here’s one nice God spot for you, true: Two years ago. I’d just filled three lines with washing, blowing nicely in the breeze l looked up with last peg and said, “And don’t let it rain on my parade!” And wagged my finger to the sky, then came inside. Hot sun, two hours later, all washing dry ready to come in. Suddenly, the heavens opened, torrential downpour, and l looked up, ran out, stopped, far too late, it would be drenched, l laughed at His joke on be, “l’ll just have to spin it again”, l shook my head, “Testing me again?” Half hour later rain stopped l sighed, took basket out, resigned to unpeggjng all, spinning and re-pegging . I was stunned to find though the lawns and paths were all were swimming in water, every bit of my washing on three lines, going three different ways, was as dry as a bone! I’m still thrilled to this day, He did that for me! No edit, apol’s for typos. Arthritis playing up.

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